Usher : U-Turn

The dance-song has a long and largely awful history. With the exception of the excellently dangerous 'Let's Twist Again' – which saw a distant generation stagger into doctors' offices with slipped discs – they are generally shit, even if Kylie owes her career to one. It wasn't a prescribed move, but ‘The Locomotion’ still makes La Minogue curl up into a passive-aggressive foetal ball.

The latest tune designed to exhibit how cack-footed and gullible the partaker is, is teenie delight Usher's 'U-Turn'. Paying due homage to Jacko’s moonwalk and the R&B smoothie Bobby Brown, it boasts some slinky Jermaine Dupri production work and simple, clear instructions on how to play R&B Twister. This immediately elevates the U-Turn above, say, the Macarena. But, sadly, not Bob The Builder's version of 'Mambo No. 5'.

Kitty Empire